Pet Loss and Grief: Caring for Both Sides of the Goodbye

A Pet grave site. A Yorkshire Terrier resting by a headstone. There is flowers and a red tennis ball.

When a beloved pet dies, the grief doesn't belong only to the humans who loved them. The animals left behind may also experience the loss and changes in their family. How do we begin to care for everyone—including ourselves—when our hearts are breaking?

Pet loss and grief affect both sides of the goodbye: the humans who are grieving and the animals left behind.

From my personal experience, pet loss is one of the hardest losses to go through. Because our pets give us unconditional love.

My cats have never been “just cats” to me. They are my children. When I was growing up, the cats in our home were my fur brothers and sisters. I never saw them as "just cats." Animals have always been family to me.

And when one of our fur babies becomes sick to the point where we have to make that decision—the one every pet parent dreads—it can be one of the hardest things we will ever have to do.

But our animals rely on us for this, too.

When Love Makes Letting Go So Hard

When my Nappy suddenly became sick, I kept him alive longer than I now believe he wanted. He wished I had let him go sooner.

In my humanness, I was desperately trying to figure out what had happened. With my veterinary technician experience, I went into the mode I knew: What do we do with a cat who isn't eating? What could be causing this? What can I do next?

I loved him, and I didn't want to lose him.

My later experience with animal communication brought me a different understanding of what Nappy had experienced and gave me comfort about those final days. That is part of my personal spiritual journey and what I have come to believe—not something everyone has to believe in order to find comfort here.

You can read Nappy's Story separately, but I bring him into this conversation because I know what that shock feels like.

Your mind is trying to comprehend what is happening while your heart is screaming that it cannot possibly be happening.

We experience grief, fear, confusion, guilt, anger, and sometimes bargaining with ourselves:

What if I try one more thing?

What if tomorrow is better?

Am I making this decision too soon?

Am I waiting too long?

There may not be a perfect answer that makes the decision painless.

There is simply tremendous love behind it.

My Cat or Dog Just Died. Why Am I Crying So Much?

Maybe that's what brought you here.

Maybe you searched:

“My cat just died. Why am I crying so much?”

Or:

“My dog died. Why can't I stop crying?”

I want you to understand something important: the depth of your grief reflects the depth of the relationship you shared. That grief is incomprehensible; it is inconsolable

For many of us, they aren't “just pets.”

They are our children, companions, and family.

We wake up with them. We feed them. We talk to them. We arrange our schedules around them. They curl up beside us when we're sick. They make us laugh. They irritate us. They follow us into the bathroom when we'd really prefer a little privacy! They become woven into thousands of tiny moments in our everyday lives.

Then suddenly their bowl is still there, but they aren't.

Their favorite sleeping spot is empty.

You walk through the door expecting to hear them—and there is silence.

And when we come home from the veterinary hospital carrying an empty carrier or holding a leash with no one attached to it, it is jarring.

How do we pick up the pieces of a shattered heart?

Of course there are tears.

When Nappy died, I wasn't just grieving “just a cat.” He was my son.

I was grieving family. I was hysterical. I was inconsolable. I could not stop crying.

The Animals Left Behind May Need Us, Too

While we are grieving, we also have to remember the furred, feathered or scaled family members who remain.

Our companion animals can form strong social attachments. Veterinary resources describe behavioral changes in surviving pets following the loss of an animal companion, including changes in appetite, sleep, activity, vocalization, and attention-seeking. However, changes in household routines can also affect behavior, and medical problems can look like grief.

So pay attention to them.

If sitting beside your pet while they eat helps them eat, sit with them.

If they suddenly want to be close to you constantly, give them a little extra patience while everyone adjusts to this new reality.

Try to maintain familiar routines where possible. Give them affection, companionship, and reassurance.

And please don't assume every physical or behavioral change is grief. If a surviving pet stops eating or drinking, becomes ill, or has a persistent or concerning change in behavior, contact your veterinarian.

From my own spiritual perspective, I believe our animals remain connected after death and that the animal who has passed may visit those left behind. That belief has brought me tremendous peace. I am finding so much comfort in a new book from Anthony Williams, Medical Medium. I am not making money from this; it is my personal recommendation. It will change your life. The healing foods and spiritual guidance are a gift to pet parents.

At the same time, the animals still physically here are living through the very real change in their home and family—and they deserve support through that transition.

Finding Comfort When Your Heart Is Broken

After losing Nappy, I sought out an animal communicator, Charles Peden.

For me, that experience provided comfort and some of the peace I desperately needed.

I did not know what to expect from Charles, but it was a wonderful call, and I learned a lot that day.

Your path may be completely different.

Do what brings you healthy comfort, peace, and solace.

You may feel called to join a pet-loss support community. You might talk to a grief counselor, a veterinarian, a clergy member, or a trusted friend. You may want to share pictures and stories on social media—or you may want complete privacy.

There isn't one correct way to grieve someone you love.

And you don't have to apologize for needing help.

Memorializing the Animal You Love

An older couple spread their pet's ashes at sea. They are having a memorial service for their pet.

There are so many ways to honor an animal's life.

Nappy and Oscar were cremated. My personal wish is that when I die, our ashes will eventually be scattered together over water.

Other families choose private cremation, communal cremation, aquamation, burial where permitted, memorial gardens, keepsake jewelry, paw prints, urns, photo books, planted trees, artwork, or other meaningful remembrances.

If you're considering burial at home, check your state and local laws first. Requirements vary by location, including whether home burial is permitted and requirements concerning depth, location, and environmental protection. For example, Florida law contains specific provisions for burial of domestic animals' bodies; there is not one universal “six-foot” rule that applies everywhere.

If you're considering scattering remains in water, here is a site with information; look into it for your state, but here is some information.

And if you choose communal cremation, ask questions.

Ask your veterinary hospital or cremation provider: here is some information regarding what this company does.

What happens to the cremated remains afterward? Is there a memorial area? Are they scattered or interred somewhere? Can families visit?

Providers have different practices, so don't be afraid to ask exactly what will happen. Knowing may give you peace of mind.

Saying Goodbye at Home

More families now have access to veterinarians who provide end-of-life care and euthanasia in the home. AAHA recognizes mobile and standalone end-of-life veterinary practices as part of contemporary end-of-life care. This article is for Florida and Texas, so check with your vet in your state. But it talks about end-of-life care and in-home euthanasia

If that service is available in your area and feels right for your family, it is an option worth discussing with your veterinarian.

When I worked in veterinary medicine, I attended some in-home euthanasias.

My experience was that they could be calm, peaceful, and unrushed. The animal was in familiar surroundings, and the family had privacy.

That doesn't mean choosing euthanasia at a veterinary hospital is somehow less loving.

Veterinary hospitals try very hard to make that day as comfortable and peaceful as possible.

And I want to say something here as someone who has been on the veterinary side of that room.

Your Veterinary Team Cares, Too

Sometimes, in the middle of overwhelming grief, a veterinary hospital can seem hurried.

Please don't automatically interpret that as not caring. We care more than we are allowed to show. We, depending on whether the pet was in our life from a baby to an elderly pet, feel that loss too. I have, after the euthanasia of a dog I knew from a puppy to the end of its life at 15, had to go in the bathroom because I was crying. I had to compose myself so I could continue my day.

Euthanasia was one of the hardest parts of veterinary medicine for me. I hated being the one to comfort a pet in the final moments of its life because the family would not do that, so a lot of pets had strangers in their final moments, but for me, I would comfort them as best as I could. I would hold them, pet them, and talk to them. They were scared and did not understand why their humans were not there, but I would say, "I know you wanted Mommy and Daddy here, and I am sorry they are not, but they loved you so much, and they will miss you very much.

As a Licensed Veterinary Technician, there were days when YOU were the one euthanizing the pet. Those were the hardest days for me to get through. Because I am an empath and a very deeply caring person, those days were the worst for me.

The reality of veterinary practice sometimes means a veterinarian or veterinary technician may leave an emotional euthanasia appointment and shortly afterward have to walk into another exam room.

That doesn't mean they stopped caring when they walked out of your room.

It doesn't mean your animal didn't matter. Because they did.

They wish they had more time to sit with you, comfort you, and answer every question. But the next patient may already be waiting and need them, too. Or there was an emergency: a hit by a car, a blocked cat, a dog with bloat. Sometimes you had no time to process the grief and euthanasia. You just push through to the next case.

Veterinary professionals carry these experiences with them.

So please know: your baby mattered.

A Free Place to Remember Them

I created a space through Paradise Pawsome Pet Care specifically because I understand how badly people sometimes need somewhere to talk about the animal they lost.

There is no charge. You do have to create a login and have to sign up, but you will NEVER EVER be charged. This page, Paws and Remember Support Circle, is sacred and should remain that way.

You can memorialize your precious baby, share memories, and talk about what you're experiencing.

I also have another free public space where pet parents can connect, share pictures, and tell stories about the animals they love. Pawsome Friends and Pet Parents Community

I want Paradise Pawsome to be a place where love for our animals is understood—not minimized.

Pets are family too. We Love Our Furbabies.

Caring for Your Own Heart

Please remember to care for yourself while you're grieving.

For me, spiritual and energetic practices have been an important part of healing.

You might find comfort in meditation, prayer, or grounding. If you're able, spend some time outside. Walk in the woods. Sit somewhere peaceful. Feel the sunshine. Listen to the sounds around you.

You don't have to force yourself to “get over it.”

Take the next moment.

Then the next.

Then the next.

My own beliefs about animals, souls, and the continuation of our connection have helped me tremendously.

Your beliefs may be different from mine, and that's okay.

Find what brings you peace.

Resources That Have Helped Me

I also explore holistic and energetic approaches to animal wellness as part of my personal journey and the broader Paradise Pawsome philosophy.

One person whose work I follow is Anthony William, known as Medical Medium. His book Medical Medium Healing Your Pet explores animal wellness from his own spiritual and alternative-health perspective.

I am not paid by Anthony William to recommend his work. I'm simply sharing something that interests me from one pet parent to another.

His teachings represent his own approach and should not be confused with established veterinary medical guidance or used as a replacement for veterinary care.

As Paradise Pawsome's Pet Loss & Grief Resource area grows, I plan to bring together additional veterinary, grief-support, memorial and holistic resources so families don't have to search for everything alone.

After I'm Gone, What Happens to the Pets I Leave Behind?

There is another side of pet loss that we don't talk about enough:

What happens when we're the ones who leave first?

Who will care for the animals who depend on us?

Will that person understand their routines, medications, veterinarian, personality, fears, and favorite things?

This deserves its own conversation—and its own Paradise Pawsome resource—because loving our animals also means making plans for them if we can no longer be here to care for them.

We'll talk much more about that.

You Don't Have to Walk Through This Alone

If you're reading this because your cat, dog, bird, rabbit, reptile, or another beloved animal has just died, I wish I could take some of the pain away.

I can't.

But I can tell you that I understand what it is like to love an animal as family.

For me, the pain has lessened with time. What I have come to believe about animals and their souls has also brought me tremendous comfort. I pray for that for you.

There is help. Please ask for it.

Talk.

Cry.

Tell their stories.

Say their name.

Memorialize them if that brings you peace.

And take care of the other animals—and the humans—who are grieving beside you.

Most importantly, please take care of yourself.

I continue to pray for every person walking through the loss of an animal they love. I ask God and the Angels to surround you with comfort, peace, and strength during this difficult time.

Your relationship with your animal mattered.

Their life mattered.

And the love you shared matters still.

Thank you for stopping by and reading this article. I truly hope it gave you some peace, some comfort, and some answers to your questions.

From my heart to yours, Dawn

Paradise Pawsome Pet Care 💜🐾

Woman honoring her cat who passed away. There is a picture. There is a candle. There is an Urn. There are Flowers.